I have been learning how to be a faithful Christ-follower again. Why again? It is because God has been showing me that I have lost sight of important things and have busied myself with unimportant things. The great irony in all this is that the busyness I have allowed to distract me from Jesus is the busyness inherent in the pastorate. I think that somewhere inside I knew that there were trappings of ministry that could distract me from my relationship with God but we never truly believe that we can be so easily led astray, do we? Especially those of us called to full-time ministry. We’re the responsible ones – the ones who are supposed to be leading others in the way of Christ. Yet, it happened. As I reflect back on a year in my first pastorate, I realize that I have spent the year majoring in the minors. Duh… I am humbled at the thought and regret very much all the time that I perceive now as wasted time.
I found myself this evening thinking of how awful it would be if I lost my relationship with God. If suddenly I turned around and He was no longer there. Not that He would be the one who left. It scared me deeply to think of living even a minute of my life without Him. And I felt foolish all over again for having been so distracted instead of earnestly attentive to the only One whose presence I simply cannot live without. Thankfully, as He has been calling me back to Him, I have heard His voice and have run back to His open arms. And the best part is, He is calling me back not as “pastor” but as “daughter” – His dearly loved child. I had forgotten how absolutely blissful it is to just be in His presence as His child and not to feel as if I need to glean something profoundly earth-shattering so that I can carry it back as “The Pastor”. It is a joy to return to the simple times like I had when I first came to know Him; times that were marked by an excitement in never knowing what He’d have planned for me on that day but that it would certainly be something wonderful. Even when days would be difficult, they were somehow still very joyful. The coolest thing is, when I think back on those times and begin to experience them again, I find profound things pouring out of the overflow of what He pours into me. So even though I am before Him as “daughter” and not as “pastor”, His Spirit faithfully makes a way for me to minister to others and in this way I find the joy of ministry restored.
So much of what can go on in a church can go on without His presence. How scary is that? Think about it. Services, programs…there’s so much information on how to “have a successful (insert name) ministry”, we can schedule and equip just about anything. Doesn’t mean God’s in it. But I don’t want a “successful (insert name) ministry.” I want God; God in all His glory and with all His power, meeting with His people and making His presence known in the world – even in my own little corner of the world. I want people freed and saved and sanctified and healed. See, when those are your goals, you realize really quickly that you, as a servant of Christ, have absolutely no power to affect any of those things. Those things all come from Him. Those things are all the business of the Holy Spirit. So what is the Church’s role? I believe He’s shown me that it’s to shamelessly and hungrily seek Him. It’s to pray, love, disciple and serve. It’s to obey, persevere, and sacrifice. And we are to do it together – thank God!
No comments:
Post a Comment