Hollywood's Perception of Christianity

Recently, on a Monday evening, I watched a fairly new show called Perception which airs on TNT.  The premise of Perception is that a brilliant professor of neuroscience, Dr. Daniel Pierce (played by Eric McCormack), helps a former student and now FBI agent (played by Rachael Leigh Cook) solve crimes.  The twist is, this brilliant professor  is also a paranoid schizophrenic and regularly halucinates individuals who help him arrive at the identity of the culprit - thus the title Perception.  His "perception" is much different than that of the people around him, but it is his "unique" perception that gets the job done.

As with most crime dramas, someone is murdered and the rest of the show is devoted to finding out "whodunnit."  This particular episode turned out to be centered around a young man who claimed to hear God speak to him.  I rolled my eyes when I figured this out, as Hollywood's depiction of Christians tends to either leave me arguing with the television and determined to send a letter to the network (which I never actually do) or sitting there in stunned silence at the fact that anyone could get even the  basic tenets of Christianity so wrong.  This episode did not produce anything different.  The "hero" of the show, the brilliant professor, was not only skeptical of all things Christian, but had a good rant about the myth that all religions represent.  The only redeeming scene was when one of the professor's halucinated characters pointed out that Dr. Pierce's belief that no religion was based in any kind of reality was rich coming from someone who is often not in touch with reality himself.  Aside from that, it was typical Hollywood blather.

The more I thought about this, the more I realized that the problem with Perception is that the writers have the wrong perception (profound, isn't it?).  There could be several reasons for this.  They could be too lazy to do their homework about Christianity.  They could be writing from the perspective of someone who has been hurt by "religious" folks.  Perhaps they don't like what they see on the surface whenever "Christians" make the news (most often the "not-so-stable" fringe element).  Or they could really be antagonistic toward the faith and are all too pleased to make Christian characters look like 1) narrow-minded racist, judgmental, fundamentalist, hateful bigots;  2) dogmatic, anti-science people who come straight out of the dark ages; or 3) Stepford-esque mindless followers who have been taken advantage of by a "wolf in sheep's clothing" (my personal favorite).  Yeah, I could go on and on about Hollywood's skewed "perception" of Christians.

Problem is, it wouldn't really be fair to lay all the blame on the beautiful people...

Truth be told, there are plenty of Christians in church every week who have just as skewed a perception of their faith.  If we, as Christians, were truly living out what Jesus commanded, there would be a lot less to ridicule and make fun of.  We have this extraordinary Savior who wants His followers to live extraordinary lives in Him, but it turns out the followers aren't following all that well.  We're too busy either building our own "spiritual" kingdoms or arguing with each other about how many angels can fit on the head of a pin.  Can't imagine where Hollywood writers get their ideas about Christians...*cough, cough*

I read a short little book today called Epic Jesus written by Frank Viola.  It reminded me how amazing Jesus Christ really is.  It is kind of sad that I had to be reminded that Christianity was never intended to be a religion, but a living, vibrant organism based in relationship with Jesus who is, in fact, our life.  The long and short of it is that unless and until we stop focusing on everything but Jesus Himself, we will continue to play the parts that Hollywood has written for us.  Parts with no power and no depth...a joke, really.  And SO not funny.

That Picture In My Mind

Idealization.  I have struggled for most of my life with idealization.  You know, it's when you picture something a certain, amazing way, when in reality it doesn't bear much resemblance to that picture in your mind.  Family gatherings, for example.  For years, I pictured family holiday gatherings being something straight out of a Normal Rockwell painting when in truth, the actual event never lived up to my idealized version.  We had fun, but they were never like I pictured them.

I think I have idealized the practice of writing as well.  I have longed to write something significant for years and have dabbled with ideas here and there.  But lurking in my mind somewhere is this picture of myself sitting in a corner at Starbucks, developing profound thoughts into great tomes to be admired for generations to come.  Well, I'm actually sitting in the corner at Starbucks at this very moment and the profound thoughts are nowhere to be found.  Everything I have written to date has been hard work, with much revision and agonizing over the perfect word.  So much for the picture in my head.

Sometimes, I idealize things from the past.  Like that job I liked so much better than the one I have now or that one birthday.  Okay, the birthday is a bad illustration because at this point, any birthday in the past is better than one in the present simply because the numbers were lower.  But looking back on a time in the past and making it something it really wasn't is something that I think most of us are pretty good at.  We long for "the good ol' days".

But "the good ol' days" weren't without problems of their own...

Granted, things are different today than they were a few years ago.  My worst fear as a kid in school was humiliating myself by tripping and falling in the hallway in front of a cute guy.  I never had to think about someone coming in with an automatic weapon and shooting.  But things back then weren't ideal, by any stretch of the imagination.  There were enough worries to go around and enough sorrow and heartache.

So why do we paint this rosy picture of times past?  I think it's because when we look back, we know the outcome.  It's already happened.  There's no longer any uncertainty.  Not so with the time we are living in.  Uncertainty abounds.  And that "not knowing" makes us anxious, scared, and at times, neurotic.  So the past looks like a welcome friend.  Even when times were bad, they're over with.  We made it through.  We can only hope and pray to make it through whatever lurks around the corner of our future.

I've been reading the book of Ecclesiastes over the last several days.  It's not a real cheerful book.  According to it, "there is nothing new under the sun."  I think the author is right on the money.  No matter where you look across the span of human history, there has always been gladness and sorrow, security and fear, hopefulness and despair.  And we have survived.

Maybe there is a good reason to look back with rose-colored glasses and enjoy our perception of "the good ol' days."  I have a dear friend who is dealing with more than her share of hardship at the moment.  And when she looks only at the obstacles before her, discouragement takes over and she becomes overwhelmed.  I tell her to look at the things around her that are good - and there are those things - because if she looks only at the uncertainty, she will drive herself crazy.  So maybe there is a place for those idealized memories.  Perhaps their purpose is to help us persevere.  After all, one day, these days will take their place in our minds as "the good ol' days."

Love, Grace, and a Chicken Sandwich

Anyone and everyone has been weighing in recently on the issues of free speech, gay marriage, and gay rights.  Unless you’re living under a rock, in which case you won’t be reading this blog anyway, you know that what sparked this round of passionate debate were comments by an executive for a national fast food restaurant that happens to be run by a Christian family.  I'm not against passionate debate.  However…

As I look at the interchange that has taken place over the last couple of weeks because of this issue, I get {cough} slightly frustrated.

This is going to upset a lot of my brothers and sisters in Christ, but since I’ve never won any popularity contests anyway, I’m throwing caution to the wind.   I am ashamed of a lot of the “Christian” response to all this.  I have watched as post after post on Facebook from those in the Body of Christ have taken an “in your face” and “so there” attitude.  I’ve seen posts that ridicule, rant, and are just downright rude.  Granted, I’ve seen some of the same coming from the other side of the fence, but the overwhelming majority of the “mud-slinging” has come from Christians.

Beloved, this should not be…

“Sling mud at those who oppose you!  Ridicule them and treat them like pond scum!  Then everyone will know how you feel and how righteous you are, and that you’re not going to take any garbage from anyone!”  Is that what Jesus said?  Um…no.  The proper instructions tell us just the opposite (see Luke 6:27-36).  Did Jesus get “in your face” with people?  Well okay, yes, he actually did.  But it was with {gasp} “religious” folks (see Matthew 23 and Luke 11).  Some of us tend to forget in our zeal for what we believe that the greatest commandment according to Jesus is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind….And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’.  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)  I haven’t seen a lot of this lovin’ going on lately…

To my Christian brothers and sisters, the “royal law found in Scripture” (James 2:8) should guide our interaction with anyone and everyone we meet.  In this country, we may have a legal right to shake our fist and give someone who disagrees with us a verbal “what-for” but that doesn’t mean that we should.  The example given us by the One we claim to serve is an example of humility and of not grasping at our “rights” (Phil. 2:5-8).  In our Father’s Kingdom, we serve to lead, surrender to win, die to live.  That’s how it works.  Let’s trade our indignant outrage for humility; our bitterness for gentleness; our anger for love.  It is possible to be true to God and still love people in the process.  

Two other posts this morning related to this whole thing have grabbed my attention.  The first made me horribly sad.  It was a picture of the lines outside of the heretofore un-named restaurant and the caption said, “You’ll never see that many Christians line up to help at a food bank or a homeless shelter, and that’s something Jesus actually said to do.”  Unfortunately, there’s a lot of truth to that statement and it breaks my heart.  Not just because a majority of Christians aren’t lining up to help those in need, but because I haven’t lined up at the food bank or the homeless shelter either.  I won’t embarrass myself by making any excuses.  I need to do better.

The second post made me glad because it gave me hope that as Christians, we CAN get it if we would just get down off of our soap boxes and figuratively pick up the towel and basin of water.  The post is from a friend and colleague of mine, Rev. Amy Williams (www.amylynnwilliams.com):  “Before people get bent out of shape remember that you had the freedom to participate on Wed, they have the freedom to participate today.  Why don’t you buy them a lunch while they are there (or at least offer).”

May we all be as gracious to others as our God is to us.

Mistakes, Maturity, and Ministry

^21 From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

^22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”
^23 Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”   ~ Matthew 16:21-23 (NIV)

Peter was in trouble again.  He was kind of prone to that – always sticking his foot in his mouth.  He meant well, but he was still learning the way of the Master.  And wow, what a rebuke from Jesus.  Jesus pretty much tells him that he’s playing for the other team.  That must have stung. 

Thing is, even though Peter screwed up and got such stern words, we don’t have any indication that Peter was disqualified from being a disciple by his mistake.  In fact, Peter remained one of the “Three,” the “inner circle” of Jesus’ closest followers.  And Peter continued, on occasion, to stick his foot in his mouth.  It wasn’t until after Pentecost that Peter preached a great sermon without embarrassing himself – a sermon God used to bring in 3,000 new disciples.  Good thing he wasn’t sidelined because of his goof-ups.

When I think about my own journey into ministry, I can relate to Peter a lot.  I made lots of mistakes.  Still do, although they’re maybe not as noticeable.  I’m glad I wasn’t disqualified from ministry during those months and years I was still learning.  In fact, the longer I work in ministry, the more I appreciate the gracious people from my home church that supported me even when I forgot portions of the service or stammered through a prayer.  Shoot, the first time I administered Holy Communion, I ended up dropping Jesus’ body (the bread) on the floor right smack in the middle of the most serious part.  Our church board saw the whole thing and you know what?  No one complained that I was completely disrespectful or immature or had brought dishonor upon the Sacrament.  They understood that it was my first time, that I am human, and that my nerves got the best of me. 

The biggest factor that kept me in ministry was my pastor, Dr. Rick McCartney.  In him, I had someone on my side.  When I got my first district license (which he encouraged me to get), he immediately began to refer to me as “Pastor Lisa” in front of the entire congregation.  He gave me responsibilities and trusted me to do them, even if I didn’t do them perfectly.  When I screwed up, he exhibited not only grace, but he convinced me not to quit during those times I was wondering what in the world I was thinking when I thought I could minister in the church.  He had confidence in me even when I didn’t.  If someone didn’t like a decision I’d made in my area of responsibility, he backed me up.  He was a great mentor.  I didn’t always appreciate him enough, but I sure do now.

 The more I see other brothers and sisters (especially sisters) struggling to learn and grow in ministry, the more I realize how blessed I was.  Unfortunately, lots of senior pastors and church boards have forgotten the lessons that Jesus taught us about teaching others.  Instead of grace and encouragement, young ministers often face legalism, condemnation over the silliest mistakes (we’re not talking doctrinal issues here) and when it comes to a church board’s authority over the new minister, they tend to “lord it over them”.  I seem to recall Jesus saying something about that NOT being the modus operandi of Christian leadership. 

Makes you wonder how Christianity ever grew seeing as how it was run by a majority of blue-collar riff-raff who’d never gone to seminary.  Then again, Jesus didn’t go to seminary either…

Inside Out

I have a recipe in a cookbook that I got a long while ago called “Inside-Out Ravioli”.  In case you've been living on the moon your entire life and don’t know it, ravioli consists of little pasta pockets filled with various good things like cheese and meat.  In this recipe, the inside things are still there, they’re just not inside the pasta – they’re outside.  It is seriously yummy.  It’s yummy because even though the stuffing is on the outside, the ingredients are delicious so when what’s inside is brought outside, you get the same tasty meal. 

There are lots of things in life that are great when you open them up and take out what’s inside.  For example, we love to open presents because we believe what’s inside will be a good thing.  If it’s not, then it’s not a good present in our estimation and we need to perhaps drop stronger hints when the next birthday or Christmas rolls around.  What about molten lava cake?  It looks good on the outside but is even better when you dive into it and find all that warm, ooey-gooey chocolate in the center. 

There are also some things in life that aren’t so great when you open them up and take out what’s inside.  Like a rotten egg.  I’ve never personally come across one, but my mom grew up on a farm and the look on her face while just remembering the smell leads me to believe it is definitely not a pleasant experience.  What about that stinky fruit they’re always showing on those weird food shows, the Durian?  Hard to imagine that some people eat this thing considering the flesh inside the husk has been described as smelling like gym socks.  What makes someone decide to put that in their mouth in the first place??  We have an aversion to opening envelopes with bills in them, smelly garbage cans, and our teenage son’s gym bag.  Why?  Because what’s contained in them is distasteful.

People are the same way.  Some leave a great impression when we experience what’s inside them and others, not so much.  Most of us have come across at least one person in our lives who just has a wonderful presence about them.  We enjoy being around them.  Conversely, everyone has met someone who might look great on the outside, but the minute they open their mouths to speak, they get ugly really quickly and you start looking for the nearest exit.

Sometimes, the impressions we get about people based on their outward behaviors aren’t very accurate.  For example, there’s the person who puts up an angelic front to everyone in public, but turns into a tyrant at home with their families.  Everyone outside the family thinks, “What a terrific person,” while the family is thinking, “If you only knew…”  At the opposite end are the folks that might look quite rough around the edges or may be a little more blunt than we’d like, but upon further investigation, they have a heart of gold.  Appearances can indeed be deceiving, but what’s inside is what truly defines someone.

Jesus dealt with this very thing when some religious folks pointed out some of His disciples' outward behavior that they were offended by (see Mark 7:1-23).  The gist of it is this:  the religious crowd had a little ceremony they did with washing their hands to get ready to eat.  Jesus’ disciples skipped the ceremony and went straight to the buffet.  This didn’t sit well with the church set.  They assumed that the disciples were no-good because they didn’t do what was traditionally expected of people who claim to know God.  Jesus proceeds to set them straight about what is most important in a person – what’s on the inside.

In other words, you can’t judge a person by what they’ve had for dinner or whether they use the dinner fork for the salad and the salad fork for the entrée.  You can’t judge a book by its cover.  You’ve got to look at the inside to see if there’s anything good in there.  You’ve got to crack open the egg to see if you’ll be eating a fabulous ham and cheese omelet for breakfast this morning or whether you’re going to lose your appetite.  It’s what’s inside that counts.

We need to remember this.

The same kind of thing happens today.  Modern-day religious folks decide that there’s something wrong with the person who doesn’t do what they think good church people ought to do.  They look at the outside and don’t really care to know what’s on the inside.  They’ve got lots of silly rules that I can’t seem to find any basis for in Scripture.  Rules like:

~ You've got to dress up to worship God. 

~If you miss a church service, you’re obviously not really committed to God.

~God’s people don’t have nose piercings, black nail polish, etc., etc…

~God only approves of the following music:  hymns from the 1700s and 1800s; or Southern gospel; or contemporary (yes, some contemporary music lovers are just as dogmatic), etc., etc…

~It’s not church unless you have an opening prayer, 2.5 songs (see above approved list), an offering, and a 30 to 45 minute sermon.

Really?  I don’t see any of this stuff mentioned as the fruit of the Spirit (see Gal. 5:22-23).  What do the above have to do with “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”? 

Someone once said that when we get to heaven, we will probably be surprised at who is there, and also at who is not there.   I think they’re right…

Uncle! UNCLE!

“Say ‘uncle’!”  I don’t hear kids use this phrase much anymore.  In fact, I’m not sure my generation even used the phrase much at all.  I think I first heard it on a television show when I was a kid.  Perhaps it was on an episode of “The Andy Griffith Show” when poor Opie had to face a bully at school.  Lest you think otherwise, let me state for the record that I was watching reruns.  I’m not quite old enough to have watched the originals.  At least not the black and white episodes...

Researching the origin of the phrase was an unsatisfactory exercise.  No one seems to know for sure where originated.  I found a very lofty guess that it stemmed from some Latin phrase, and another guess that reckoned it to be the invention of schoolboys in America around the 1900s.  God only knows for sure where it came from.

Of course, most people who have heard the phrase know what it means.  It means to surrender; to give up; to acknowledge defeat in a most verbal, public, humiliating and despairing way.  For me, the phrase always calls up the image of poor Schwartz being tortured by the nefarious Scut Farkus in “A Christmas Story”.  “Yellow eyes!  He had yellow eyes!”

I’ve been thinking about this phrase this morning because I’ve been feeling all of those emotions associated with being bullied into submission.  I have a bully in my life and he’s been picking on me more than usual lately.  My bully is most commonly known as the devil.  No, not a guy running around in red tights with a red cape and a long tail and pitchfork.  I’m talking about the prince of the power of the air, the father of lies, the accuser, the destroyer, the adversary, etc., etc.  The Bible says that he’s my enemy and that he prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).  He’s been prowling around me quite a bit lately, and he plays dirty.  He’ll use anything and anyone to bring me to the point of discouragement and hopelessness, even people that are close to me (and most of them don’t even know they’re being used).  All the while, he speaks into my mind, “Say uncle!  Go on, say uncle!”

Just in the last few weeks, between physical problems, infighting among folks I care about, bureaucratic red tape, financial stress, and an ever-increasing number of “flies in the ointment”, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tempted to say “uncle.”  “I don’t need this stress,” “I just want a ‘normal’ life,” “I’m too exhausted to care.”  “I should just quit.”  “UNCLE!!!”

And yet, I have not raised a white flag…

Part of the reason is because God made me stubborn.  I don’t like to give up.  This can be a good thing or a bad thing, but in this case, it’s definitely a plus.  Another part of the reason is my thinking of all the blood, sweat, and tears that have been poured into me by many and about the grace that’s been extended to me to get me where I’m at – too much to just walk away.

However, the biggest reason is because there is a funny thing about bullies.  If you really examine them, you’ll see they make a lot of noise and can even inflict some pretty serious pain, but they’re not really tough enough to defeat you unless you give up, give in, and say “uncle.”  Their power lies in their ability to evoke fear in their victims.  Ralphie figured this out the day he’d had enough and dove into Scut Farkus like the Secret Service protecting the President.  Ralphie realized he could not only refuse to give up, but could give Scut the “what for.”

Now, my bully is much more devious and powerful than Scut Farkus.  I can’t give him the “what for.” But, I personally know someone who can:  Jesus.  He’s not just a casual acquaintance.  We’re tight, He and I.  He’s with me all the time.  That sounds so cliché, but it’s true.  Comparing His power with that of the devil is like comparing a locomotive with a wind-up toy from a children’s fast food meal.  And that’s actually probably a pretty weak comparison. 

I’ve got a much more powerful Defender with me constantly.  I forget this sometimes.  The devil likes when I forget this.  But then, in the knick of time, I remember.  Thank God, I remember.  Then I stand back and watch the bully say, “Uncle!”

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.  Wait on the LORD:  be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart:  wait, I say, on the LORD.  ~Psalm 27:13-14, KJV

Off to the gym...or not...

I’m trapped.  Trapped in my own home.  It’s 4:25 a.m. and I’m supposed to be at the gym, working out.  I joined the local gym over a month ago and haven’t been there once since I signed up.  Right after I joined, my life took a turn toward the chaotic and I just haven’t gotten up there.  It’s sad, really, because up until that point, I had been working out at home an hour a day, five days a week since last June.  I haven’t done that in nearly two months either.  But last night, I determined I was going to go to the gym early this morning.  But I can’t…because I’m trapped…

It’s the dogs, you see.  We have dachshunds*.  I use the plural because we have dachshunds in the plural.  If you’re a true dachshund lover, you know they’re a bit like a certain brand of potato chips.  You can’t have just one.  But we’re a bit more plural than I’d like, thanks (anyone want a dog?).  One of our precious little fur-babies isn’t so precious.  Although I haven’t confirmed this with Cesar Millan, I’m positive the dog is neurotic.  Among many other things, he whines.  He’s not a puppy.  He’s over 3 years old now.  But he still whines.  He whines when he goes to bed and he whines when he wants to get up.  He whines the moment he thinks it’s daybreak, even if it’s 4 a.m.  If someone gets up, he thinks he should be up.  If I get up early and don’t get him up, guess what.  He whines.  This behavior wouldn’t bother me a bit except for the fact that my husband (who, for the record, does not whine) cannot operate on the same 4 to 5 hours of sleep that I do and when the dog whines, the husband wakes and the world is not as it should be. 

Incidentally, the little whiner is my husband’s dog.  Just want to make that perfectly clear…

Which brings me back to being trapped.  I actually managed to get up this morning without the little pest whining for more than a couple of seconds.  I snuck out of the bedroom, shut the door and proceeded to get dressed for the gym.  Then I realized I left something I needed in the bedroom.  So I took a risk and snuck back in.  He whined again and as I snuck back out of the room, I heard my husband trying to get him to shut up.  It seemed to work.  I had my keys and was ready to walk out the door, congratulating myself on my early morning victory, when…

I realized I’d left yet another essential item in the bedroom. 

To try and sneak back in again was just asking for trouble.  There will be no early morning visit to the gym today.  I’m trapped until 6:15 when my husband’s alarm goes off.  Some days, I've literally lain in bed awake for hours in the early morning so that my husband could get the sleep he needs.  I’m a huge morning person, so do you know how much I could get done if I could just get up and get going when I’ve actually had enough sleep??  But I don’t, because I’m trapped.  Because of a dog…

Silly, right?  How ridiculous is it that a little 12 lb. dog has come to be the master of my early morning schedule (or lack thereof)?  Cesar would be ashamed of me.  The truth is, the dog is controlling my behavior because I’ve allowed him to.  Self-imposed imprisonment.  Lame…

In the book of Galatians, Paul addresses the church there about the same kind of problem.  The folks there had already received the message of grace and freedom in Jesus Christ from Paul but some other people had come in after and were pushing a message that put them back into “slavery”.  These people were saying that faith in Christ was not enough and that the Galatians had to be circumcised in order to be right with God.  Paul wrote the letter to call the Galatians onto the carpet about their being so willing to slip back into the same situation they’d already been delivered from. 

I love how Paul puts it in chapter 3:  “You foolish Galatians!”  It’s even better in The Message:  “You crazy Galatians!”  He goes on to remind them that it wasn’t the outward acts of piety that brought them peace with God.  Rather, it was by believing what they heard when Paul delivered the Gospel to them.  They already had what they needed to be right with God.  In effect, they were putting the shackles back on their own wrists and ankles.  Self-imposed imprisonment.  Lame…

We do the same thing, and not just with a silly thing like a dog.  We say we believe we are saved by grace and yet we often behave as if we need to add things to that grace.  Oh, they’re usually really good things, like reading the Bible, praying, attending church and helping others.  Those are all things that Christians should do.  But we’ve gotten it backwards.  We think we do them to earn some sort of spiritual credit when in fact, we add nothing to our salvation by what WE do.  We are saved because of what JESUS did.  Batteries already included.  No assembly required. 

Paul says, in Galatians 5:1, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (emphasis mine).   Christ came to set us free, and He did.  We are now free from the power of sin and death.  Free from man-made religion that promises if we just work hard enough, we’ll earn a place in heaven.  Free to leave the shackles on the floor.

I’ll shoot for the gym tomorrow…

---

* Pronounced “DAHKS-huunds”, not “dash-hounds” – you may have pictures of little wiener dogs “dashing” around, but it’s German, meaning “badger dog” and has nothing to do with “dashing”.  And yes, I AM that Type A…