That Picture In My Mind

Idealization.  I have struggled for most of my life with idealization.  You know, it's when you picture something a certain, amazing way, when in reality it doesn't bear much resemblance to that picture in your mind.  Family gatherings, for example.  For years, I pictured family holiday gatherings being something straight out of a Normal Rockwell painting when in truth, the actual event never lived up to my idealized version.  We had fun, but they were never like I pictured them.

I think I have idealized the practice of writing as well.  I have longed to write something significant for years and have dabbled with ideas here and there.  But lurking in my mind somewhere is this picture of myself sitting in a corner at Starbucks, developing profound thoughts into great tomes to be admired for generations to come.  Well, I'm actually sitting in the corner at Starbucks at this very moment and the profound thoughts are nowhere to be found.  Everything I have written to date has been hard work, with much revision and agonizing over the perfect word.  So much for the picture in my head.

Sometimes, I idealize things from the past.  Like that job I liked so much better than the one I have now or that one birthday.  Okay, the birthday is a bad illustration because at this point, any birthday in the past is better than one in the present simply because the numbers were lower.  But looking back on a time in the past and making it something it really wasn't is something that I think most of us are pretty good at.  We long for "the good ol' days".

But "the good ol' days" weren't without problems of their own...

Granted, things are different today than they were a few years ago.  My worst fear as a kid in school was humiliating myself by tripping and falling in the hallway in front of a cute guy.  I never had to think about someone coming in with an automatic weapon and shooting.  But things back then weren't ideal, by any stretch of the imagination.  There were enough worries to go around and enough sorrow and heartache.

So why do we paint this rosy picture of times past?  I think it's because when we look back, we know the outcome.  It's already happened.  There's no longer any uncertainty.  Not so with the time we are living in.  Uncertainty abounds.  And that "not knowing" makes us anxious, scared, and at times, neurotic.  So the past looks like a welcome friend.  Even when times were bad, they're over with.  We made it through.  We can only hope and pray to make it through whatever lurks around the corner of our future.

I've been reading the book of Ecclesiastes over the last several days.  It's not a real cheerful book.  According to it, "there is nothing new under the sun."  I think the author is right on the money.  No matter where you look across the span of human history, there has always been gladness and sorrow, security and fear, hopefulness and despair.  And we have survived.

Maybe there is a good reason to look back with rose-colored glasses and enjoy our perception of "the good ol' days."  I have a dear friend who is dealing with more than her share of hardship at the moment.  And when she looks only at the obstacles before her, discouragement takes over and she becomes overwhelmed.  I tell her to look at the things around her that are good - and there are those things - because if she looks only at the uncertainty, she will drive herself crazy.  So maybe there is a place for those idealized memories.  Perhaps their purpose is to help us persevere.  After all, one day, these days will take their place in our minds as "the good ol' days."